Well, as I have recently found out it was not "normal" for most four year olds of my generation to be conscious of body image. But one of my first memories of my Uncle "G" was him making a taunting comment to me as I ate a cheerio... "a second on the lips, ten years on the hips". Yep at the ripe old age of four I was the for first time made aware of body image and the idea of "good" and "bad" foods.
I also have early memories of Uncle "G', while in the company of his brother-Law, Uncle "B" (my Father's brother) ridiculing people that were at times, not so blessed in aesthetic qualities or carried a little or a lot of extra weight.
Although I was told what a beautiful child I was frequently, I believe it was because of these experiences I carried a very self conscious view of myself and the importance to be perfect in appearance.
The first time I was made aware that I was not "perfect" was at the age of 5 in first grade. While sitting with a group colouring in pictures, the way I had coloured in a particular section of my picture was not to the liking of a fellow classmate, Julia. Once she had informed me of her displeasure she didn't hesitate share with me that I was FAT! I immediately fought back with a "no I am not!" (original come back I know). Julia then proceeded to tell me that I was and she could tell because I had fat cheeks! I spent the rest of the school day sucking my cheeks in!
This was the first time I felt truly ridiculed and inferior to the others around me.
The final blow was when I was in Year Three. My Grandmother informed my mother that I should be sent to Weight Watchers to lose the excess weight I was carrying. I have since looked back at photos from this time and I was definitely not needing to lose weight, in fact those photos include me competing in a biathlon, where you can see my ribs while I was in mid running stride.
However this was the biggest turning point in regard to my relationship with food.
While I was being told what I could not eat, my friends were eating those foods in front of me. While friends ate as they wished, my eating was watched and commented on.
This is what I believe was the start of my rebellion with food! The start of the much documented Feast and Famine mentality that is deeply entrenched in many "yo-yo" dieters.
From there I have spent the rest of my life dieting, bingeing and sneak eating. Some the diets have been "healthy" but some weight loss efforts have not been so healthy, with me at times resorting to fasting all day and only eating at night and eventually turning to drugs for a short period to loose and control my weight.
Over the past eight years, my weight loss efforts have been fairly conventional: Reduced Calorie shakes, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Detox diets etc.
But now weighing in at 140kg, enough is enough and when my doctor suggested Lap-Band Surgery I was bolted in to action.
The same day my doctor gave me the referral to the specialist I called and made an appointment. Within a week I had seen the specailist and I had been booked into have the Lap-Band Surgery a month later.
So I hope helps you understand why I am about to embark on this journey.
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