1 Sleep! Less than 12 hours eek!

So I am getting ready for bed... it is 11:30pm and I have to be up at 5am for my surgery tomorrow morning.

Have had a strange week waiting for tomorrow. It felt so long away at times, especially when I was frustrated with the two week pre-op diet. And now it’s here I can’t believe it.

I had a bit of an emotional night last night. It all caught up with me, it became totally real and I realised that I am having this surgery and although small, there are chances of complications and there are risks. I also sort of grieved for my eating habits of old... started to realise "wow, I won’t ever go out with my Hubby or friends and family to enjoy a 3 course meal at a restaurant! I will only be eating an entree sized meal".

But now that my mini-meltdown is done (partly due to the support of my amazing hubby!), I am ready! Ready for this change and my new life!

Be back soon, to let you all know how it goes!

On the Count Down

This time next week I having my last meal before the Surgery.... if you can call a Optifast Shake a meal :).

At the begining I though I would never even get half way without breaking on this diet; but now that I am here, I know I will be able to get through to the end without eating what I shouldn't, even if it isn't easy.

Saturday is one of my closest friends birthdays and I am off to the races to help her celebrate. It will definately be the first time I have driven there and not consumed alcohol! None the less I know I will be fine and both my friend and my Husband will there to support me if it starts to get tough :)

I hope the next 7 Days fly by as I am now on an Offical Count Down - 7 full days and eight sleeps!

Challenges and New Beginings

So I am 6 days down on my 14 day Optifast VLCD diet. No meat or Carbs, I am only allowed veggies (minus potato, pumpkin, sweet potato, peas and corn or other starchy vegetables). I am also able to have 1 cup of strawberries/raspberries per day. I also have to drink 3 litres of water each day (not easy).

I really struggled with the diet on day two and three and came very close to cheating a couple of times. Particuarly when I had to visit Chermside Shopping Centre to buy my Dad a Fathers Day Present. As soon as I stepped off the escalators I was hit with the smell of bacon and eggs(it smelt devine!). But I managed to resist all the food in the food court as I walked past. This has made the following days a little easier because I proved to myself that I can resist the temptation even when I feel I desperately want to eat and I am alone without anyone to see me cheat.

I have also joined a Lap-Band support site and it has been interesting to read everyones stories here... it is great to know that others are also going through what I am.

I now only have 9 days before I am banded and I am starting to get very excited. I feel like my new life is about to begin. A life full of regained enegery, enthusiam, and positivity!

How I Got Here!?!

Well, as I have recently found out it was not "normal" for most four year olds of my generation to be conscious of body image. But one of my first memories of my Uncle "G" was him making a taunting comment to me as I ate a cheerio... "a second on the lips, ten years on the hips". Yep at the ripe old age of four I was the for first time made aware of body image and the idea of "good" and "bad" foods.

I also have early memories of Uncle "G', while in the company of his brother-Law, Uncle "B" (my Father's brother) ridiculing people that were at times, not so blessed in aesthetic qualities or carried a little or a lot of extra weight.

Although I was told what a beautiful child I was frequently, I believe it was because of these experiences I carried a very self conscious view of myself and the importance to be perfect in appearance.

The first time I was made aware that I was not "perfect" was at the age of 5 in first grade. While sitting with a group colouring in pictures, the way I had coloured in a particular section of my picture was not to the liking of a fellow classmate, Julia. Once she had informed me of her displeasure she didn't hesitate share with me that I was FAT! I immediately fought back with a "no I am not!" (original come back I know). Julia then proceeded to tell me that I was and she could tell because I had fat cheeks! I spent the rest of the school day sucking my cheeks in!

This was the first time I felt truly ridiculed and inferior to the others around me.

The final blow was when I was in Year Three. My Grandmother informed my mother that I should be sent to Weight Watchers to lose the excess weight I was carrying. I have since looked back at photos from this time and I was definitely not needing to lose weight, in fact those photos include me competing in a biathlon, where you can see my ribs while I was in mid running stride.

However this was the biggest turning point in regard to my relationship with food.
While I was being told what I could not eat, my friends were eating those foods in front of me. While friends ate as they wished, my eating was watched and commented on.

This is what I believe was the start of my rebellion with food! The start of the much documented Feast and Famine mentality that is deeply entrenched in many "yo-yo" dieters.

From there I have spent the rest of my life dieting, bingeing and sneak eating. Some the diets have been "healthy" but some weight loss efforts have not been so healthy, with me at times resorting to fasting all day and only eating at night and eventually turning to drugs for a short period to loose and control my weight.

Over the past eight years, my weight loss efforts have been fairly conventional: Reduced Calorie shakes, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Detox diets etc.

But now weighing in at 140kg, enough is enough and when my doctor suggested Lap-Band Surgery I was bolted in to action.

The same day my doctor gave me the referral to the specialist I called and made an appointment. Within a week I had seen the specailist and I had been booked into have the Lap-Band Surgery a month later.

So I hope helps you understand why I am about to embark on this journey.